I posted this some time back on Tumblr, but now that I have an official!blog, I thought it deserved a home here. So, here it is:
Things Advertising Taught Me
- Women love to clean; they love it so much, they wear nice clothes when scrubbing the toilet and they dance with their mops.
- Only women know how to clean or use cleaning products.
- The moment a man says his wedding vows, he becomes an infantilized moron with no judgment skills and incapable of the most basic decision making. Fortunately, their wives are also their mothers.
- Eating fast food bacon chili cheeseburgers not only doesn’t make you fat, it makes you sexy and masculine.
- Eating chocolate gives women orgasms.
- If no chocolate is available, yogurt is an acceptable substitute.
- Everyone lives in houses.
- People give each other cars with oversized bows for Christmas.
- Relationships exist only between men and women, and people of the same race.
- Opening a bottle of beer ensures that a host of attractive people will start dancing in your proximity.
- Girls do not play with trucks, cars, or construction equipment.
- I want smoother, younger-looking skin.
- It’s acceptable dinner conversation to discuss the fact that one’s appetizer and two entrees only cost $20.
- Blue liquid comes out of vaginas.
- Blue liquid also comes out of babies.
- Most driving consists of country roads or Highway 1 in Big Sur.
- Birth control pills are used for clearing your skin or regulating periods, not for actual prevention of pregnancy.
- Cooks at chain restaurants wear toques and lovingly prepare your food on butcher-block tables.
- When a man shaves, he only has .1% body fat.
Feel free to add what you’ve learned from advertising in the comments.